My Story of Child Abuse

WARNING THESE PAGES COULD BE TRIGGERING

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This is my story

This story is written through the eyes of a 5 year old girl

The five year old girl laid on her grandma's bed. (we
had just spent the night at grandma's because dad
wasn't doing very well with the death of mom.
today was her funeral)

Drowsy and safe, awake not asleep. she saw a pink and
purple wormlike thing above her body. It did not touch
her, no, it moved in the air. It was going to touch her.
Her screaming woke the house, Woke her grandma,
who was listening and said "It's not real, it didn't happen,".
"You were such a good girl, so quiet, you could just sit
still for hours", You never cried, "he said.

I laid on the bed, my eyes were open, unfocused--only
things really close, really seen. My breathing
sucks in and out like curling ocean waves, rolling up
in swirls from belly to lips and back down again.

The space about her body seems infinite, full of huge
beings, strange smells, and feelings vibrate as the dust
motes in the air, that catches her eyes and turn golden.

A being she knows comes close. He touches her and she
is enveloped in fear. He takes off her clothes
and she kicks her feet in the air trying to fight the
thing. And then he places upon her the long purple-pink
glove of flesh that has a life of it's own.

It covers her body from chest down to between her legs,
which are now forced back and up into the air. Her
flesh curls inside her--away from both him and herself.
She does not cry out. She does not let herself know
any of the feelings the vast air now swirls with.
(First disassociation in progress)

Blank it out,
Don't let yourself know it's real,
if it's real your crazy,
blank it out,
Knowledge is powerlessness
blank it out
knowledge is pain
blank it out
teach us to numb ourselves
teach us not to feel

This memory does not come easy,
it comes with screams that will not stop,
it comes with tears and terror
it comes with shame that we felt this.
shame that we feel this
The pain does not come easy
we tell you because we know
we tell you because we will not be silent
WE TELL YOU BECAUSE WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED,

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