My Thoughts on Suicide

These are my thoughts on suicide.
If you have a loved one that is depressed or contemplating
suicide, get them help immediately.

The following is written to those of you who don't
understand what a person is going through when he/she
is suicidal. This is only to enlighten you on
what is going on in the mind of a suicidal person.

Pain and suffering visit us all. No one is exempt, no one
has earned a special status that enables me to live
without heartache or anxiety, sadness or fear.

Sometimes these emotions galvanize our spirit our will
emboldening us to forge ahead, confident of brighter horizons.

At other times, adversity falls hard about us, like a long
cold, dark winters night, oppresive and impenetrable
sending me scurrying for warmth, or light,
or someone with whom to wait until the morning.

But for some people morning fails to arrive. There is no
place to run, or no one to turn to. For others
help may be available, but they are unable to reach
out let a loved one in, or even identify the pain
The goal is to experience joy, a deep sense of
meaning and purpose and intimate and nourishing
relationships

What qualities of heart and mind are born from suffering?
What strengthens the spirit and alleviates my
despair and isolation so that I can feel happiness
and love again?

The world that I live in is sometimes unbelievable disolate
and remote, almost beyond imagining. People who
attempt suicide share their most basic similarity
with everyone else on the planet--their humanity

People who attempt or carry-through with suicide, address
the penetrating hopelessness the loss of faith
this leads to suicide.

A person who contemplates suicide are people whose anguish
was so extreme that suicide seems to be their only
option. Whether lasting for a weekend or for decades,
the journey to self-annihilation begins with
a frighting loss of their wholeness, order,
and connection. Faith dissolved, and confidence
in a gentle and nourishing world has been shattered.

An inner chaos unraveled the very fabric of their hearts,
and minds, envisioning their future, they all arrived
at the same conclusion, that death was perferable
to their ongoing pain

I'm not simply crazy or sick, or suffering from some rare
psychological malady. I thnk it is assumed that
depression, if severe enough leads to suicide
This is not true

Depression is not the same as suicide. They have
enormously different fatality rate.
I have suffered from bouts of severe depression.
I have experience extreme hopelessness. The combination
is devastating in itself, but when accompaniied
by a particular image of death, as a release
from unbearable pain, it becomes deadly.

The attept to take one's life is such an iniquivocal
expression of raw suffereing, regardless of whether or
not the attempt is completed. I find
myself, at a loss as how to proceed.

Feelings of aversion and fear are commong. Most
Psychiatrists, counselors, etc, focuses more comfortably
on the pharmacological control of symptons than on
the labryrinthine inner world of pain
and suffering.

We slide away from considering the complexities inherent
in human life-the dialogue, between happiness,
and darkness. This we can readily understand.
However, when we avoid human problems, that are
elusive, or complex irrational or subterranean,
we tend to close our hearts.

I asked for you to understand, the depths of suicide
by stepping into my shoes, into my life, and
imagine how I feel. Instead of distancing yourself from me.
You must chose to move closer, you must
feel what I feel, the pain, the struggle for
emancipation, the study and understanding of
suicide demands nothing less.

The pain is simply beyond my capacity to contain.

Suicide is what happens when emotional trauma occurs
and help is slow in coming, when either critical
moments or many years pass without the availability
of understanding or support, or when one
becomes unable to find others who can see through
one's coping mechanism to the deeply wounded person inside

In death there is solace and connection. In life there
is only despair

Prolonged pain and suffereing compromises our ability
to think creatively. It reduces our capacity
for problem solivng for enjoying flexibility
of mind, and for negotiating the complexities
of intimate relationships. Chronic pain narrows
one's perceptions, and healthy options go
unnoticed. In the absence of help, thinking eventually
fixates almost entirely on the pain and withdrawal
intensifies

Somebody once asked me "If I was a neon sign painted
on you at that time what would it say?"

PAIN just Pain. If you look at my eyes you'd see this
hurt, lost, sad person. I was like an animal
in pain scared and terrified.